


Like It

by ChokolatteJedi



Series: Nick Verse [4]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Backstory, Drinking, Gen, Memories, Past Child Abuse, Timestamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4529235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal doesn't drink beer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like It

"Hey, I brought beer." Peter declared, bouncing into the conference room with his arms full of takeout bags.

"I don't drink beer." Neal replied automatically as the others dug through the pile for their orders.

"Well I don't have any wine, so you'll drink that and you'll like it." Peter replied.

Neal felt his gut clench, and he quickly got up and strode from the room. He breathed through his nose, trying to sooth the churning in his stomach before he had to run to the bathroom. He ducked between the records stacks, hoping that no one would follow him. He slammed his back into a shelf, feeling the cool hard metal across his shoulder blades and clinging to that small, solid proof that he was _here, not there_.

Peter had no way of knowing – he had said similar things before – there was no reason for him to suspect that this moment would be different than any other.

And yet, it was. As Neal struggled to control his breathing and his racing heart, he knew that he could never explain his aversion to beer to Peter. Peter was in some ways the stereotypical man's man. He did his job, came home, and had a beer. He didn't binge, he didn't get violent, and he didn't have a problem. And he had no idea what it was like to live with someone who did. How the taste, the feeling, hell, even the smell could be painful.

It had taken Neal years and the dedicated time of Adler, Kate, and Mozzie before he could even stand the smell of alcohol, let alone drink it. Now he could handle a few glasses of wine, a shot of something stronger, and even the occasional beer – never enough to get drunk or violent – just enough to stay in character. But he would never like it.

Neal couldn't tell Peter why his words were so painful to hear, and not just because he had left that life behind so long ago. Even though Peter couldn't have any idea what he was implying, Neal couldn't tell him, because Peter would blame himself. Peter would get awkward, and second guess himself every time he took a drink around Neal. Peter would get hurt. And hurting Peter was the last thing that Neal wanted.

Finally Neal managed to get his breathing under control and his stomach settled down a little. No longer feeling that he was going to throw up if he moved, Neal went through his routine. The simple actions of rolling down his sleeves and adjusting his tie helped center him, and moments later he was ready to go.

He slipped around the back of the stacks into the coffee nook and poured himself a glass of water. Then, pasting a smile on his face, Neal returned to the conference room, ready to convince Peter that nothing was wrong. But never ready to like it.


End file.
